Friday, September 11, 2009

dangerous biscuits

Current work: revisions – and also off to do a radio session this morning
Listening to: Def Leppard (have I mentioned that I love Joe Elliott's voice? And he can play guitar and piano, too. Sighhh)
Reading: Given that my TBR pile is out of access, I amused myself last night by annoying DH. Big sigh from him. ‘Can’t you just read for a bit instead of annoying me?’ Evil grin from me. Hey, you’re the one who moved my books… (They are going to be restored this weekend, after painting. If he has any sense. And, as lovely Jenny Haddon gave me a couple of Heyer recommendations, I do have a couple of new ones to sneak in...)

Caught a press release yesterday that really made me smile - about dangerous biscuits (that’s biscuits as in UK, i.e. cookies rather than the US scone-type things).

The most dangerous, apparently, is the custard cream.

Apparently, doctors have to treat lots of biscuit-related injuries each year. (Righty. I can just see my editor’s face if I suggest this as a plot point. Ohh, lightbulb – now I have something to torment her about at the M&B party, next week! Last year it was reindeer. This year it will be custard creams. She’s going to love this.)

What kind of injuries? According to the study conducted by Mindlab, these include: people poking themselves in the eye with a biscuit (3%), falling off a chair while reaching for the tin (no figures given), sustaining burns after dunking a biscuit in scalding tea (33%), and being hit by fragments flying through the air. Others choked on crumbs (28%), 7% were bitten by a pet or ‘other wild animal’ trying to get their biscuit (oh? What sort of wild animal? The journo in me sees a photo opportunity, here), and 10% damaged a tooth or filling on a particularly hard biscuit.

And the best one? A man who ended up stuck in wet concrete after wading in to pick up a stray biscuit. (How daft can you get? And wouldn’t said biscuit be inedible anyway because of the covering of concrete? Unless it was in a wrapper, but even so…)

If you want to read the full story, it’s here at the Telegraph. It’s the kind of story I would’ve loved working on, in my PR and journo days. Bit of an own goal, though, as it the survey was conducted on behalf of Rocky – and they’re #3 on the dangerous list. Unless it’s cool to be a dangerous biscuit?

Incidentally, I’m on the radio this morning – Tessa Shepperson, Sara Lock and I are taking over Graham and Karen’s breakfast show on BBC Radio Norfolk at 12. The idea is, instead of them interviewing us and asking our opinion on current news stories, we’re going to interview them. This is SO going to be one of my questions. (It’s utterly frivolous, but it really appeals to my sense of humour. Karen will love this, too. I'm going to have to nip into Marks and buy some biscuits before we start.)

So I’m asking you, too. Which is your favourite biscuit – and is it on the dangerous list, below?

The biscuits on the Biscuit Injury Threat Evaluation list with their rating:

Custard Cream 5.64
Cookie 4.34
Choc Biscuit Bar (eg: Rocky) 4.12
Wafer 3.74
Rich Tea 3.45
Bourbon 3.44
Oat Biscuit 3.31
Digestive 3.14
Ginger Nut 2.99
Shortbread 2.90
Caramel Shortcake 2.76
Nice Biscuit 2.27
Iced Biscuits/Party Rings 2.16
Chocolate Finger 1.38
Jaffa Cakes 1.16


Jan Jones said...

Is one allowed to say "All of the above?"


Oh, Hobnobs, then (NOT the choc-covered ones, that's too much of a good thing for me), followed by ginger bics and then shortbread.

All dangerous. Sigh.

Kate Hardy said...

Jan - just think, if the study had been on behalf of Jacob's, they could've set up the Dangerous Biscuit Club.

(C'mon, as if I could resist a bad pun like that.)

I'd go for shortbread, ginger biccies and then galettes. Or those Viennese biscuits with chocolate in the middle from Marks... (Oh, I am SO having one of those this morning.)

Nell Dixon said...

Custard creams are the worlds most perfect biscuit.

Caroline Storer said...

Digestives for me. They are an extremely dangerous biscuit in this household, for the mere fact hat I could quite easily eat a whole packet in a day, and *that* is a serious threat to my already expanded waistline! Take care. Caroline x

ps - is it only me - but when "biscuit" is mentioned I'm automatically pronouncing it as "bwissquit" just like the cute character on the Fox's advert on telly?

Anonymous said...

It's a tie between Duchy Originals Highland Shortbread and Bonne Maman Galettes. Yes, I have expensive tastes. No, they are not dangerous except to foolish folk who get between me and the tin.

I've tried to save money by baking my own, but they vanish far too fast...


Sharon Archer said...

I live in Australia, Kate, so my fav is a Tim Tam which is kind of a cross between one of those dangerous custard creams and a chocolate finger. Whoa! I hadn't realised what a dare-devil I am! LOL

Fun blog, thanks!

Margaret McDonagh said...

I very rarely eat biscuits but when I do, I'm partial to HobNobs. (Plain ones, not chocolate covered.) They are especially nice with a banana. A bit like banoffee without the offee!!!! Best of all I can sleep peacefully as HobNobs are not on the list of biscuits likely to endanger me!!

Incidentally, they were giggling over this story on Radio 5 Live a day or two ago and it led on to discussions on the best biscuit for dunking. (Useless for me as I don't drink tea or coffee!) Anyhoo, some scientist from a university - Bristol or Bath, maybe? Or was it Cardiff? - has invented a biscuit that is guaranteed not to collapse when thoroughly dunked! It's very oaty, apparently, and one wonders how indigestable given you can leave it in the liquid for ages with no serious softening!

Oh, and even more bizarre than the extraordinary diversity of biscuit injuries are those caused annually in the home due to interaction with the tea cosy!!! The mind boggles! I dare you to tease your editor with that one, too, Kate!!!

Mags xx

Tessa Shepperson said...

Hi Kate

As I said this morning, my favourite is rich tea and I am concerned to see that they are No5 on the list! I would have thought rich tea biscuits were too boring to be dangerous.

Of course custard creams became canary creams in the Harry Potter book - they were developed by the Weasley twins if you remember, and brought people out into feather ...

See you on the radio ...

Lacey Devlin said...

You've killed me Kate! Really you have! I'm going to say the Cookie because I like to live dangerously ;)

Kate Hardy said...

Nell - ick, no!! Next RNA conference, I am going to introduce you to my bad habits :o)

Kate Hardy said...

Caroline - LOL, that's why biscuits are banned in this house. They're only allowed at weekends, when there are other people around (besides the dog and me) to eat them.

Kate Hardy said...

MPE - ohh, you and I definitely share biscuit tastes. Have you tried the Bonne Maman torsades?

Kate Hardy said...

Sharon - Caroline Anderson is always going on about Tim-Tams. Apparently Marion Lennox introduced her to them (and you have to suck coffee through them, yes?). Not seen any over here, but Sainsbury's used to do these gorgeous biscuit curls filled with chocolate and hazelnuts, so we used those instead...

(I'm showing myself up as a bad influence, hmm?)

Kate Hardy said...

Mags - those biscuits sound almost like ship's tack in the 19th century. Now, they might be dunkable, but would they break teeth?

Teapot cosies. Hahaha. I'll definitely mention them to my ed. (Then she might let me keep the biscuit jokes. Oh, this is bad. This is three books' time and I have revisions to do first.)

Kate Hardy said...

Tessa - lovely to see you yesterday, and that is indeed why I brought in the kind of biscuits I did. (And you were so restrained!)

(Everyone else - M&S Viennese sandwich biscuits. Seriously nice.)

Kate Hardy said...

Lacey - glad you enjoyed this. It made me smile all day!

Cookies, hmm? Nice recipe for them on my website. They need to be eaten the same day (best when they're still a little bit warm). But there never seem to be any left by the end of the day anyway...

Anonymous said...

Kate - I haven't, but I will now!


Janet said...

Marks and Spencers milk, dark and white chocolate biscuit selection.

Nothing can beat them

Kate Hardy said...

MPE - they're very nice :o)

Kate Hardy said...

Janet - M&S biscuits are something else, aren't they? :o)

Liz Fielding said...

The custard cream comes very high on desirable, along with chocolate digestive and the chocolate hobnob -- how can that be too much of a good thing, Jan Jones! Also the orange club (dangerous certainly but only for the hips in my case).

I imagine the people poking themselves in the eye with a biscuit were reading at the time.

Tim Tams are okay but not a patch on the aforementioned Choc Hob Nob, imho. But a lot better than those American things with the white filling.

No doubt about it, the British are biscuit world beaters.