does romance ruin your love life?

Current work: nonfic and Modern Heat
Listening to: Take That
Reading: Next on TBR

Had an interesting call yesterday from BBC Radio Norfolk – would I talk on the breakfast show about the new research showing that romance ruins your love life?

So I duly went and found said research, to make sure I knew what I was talking about. Actually, the study from Heriot-Watt covers films, TV and magazines as well as books, and the sample appears to be college students. (At 18, we all have unrealistic expectations – which is absolutely right at that age. Go for the dream.) The finding is that romance as it’s portrayed in the media gives people unrealistic expectations.

I had a lovely time chatting to Stephen Bumfrey on BBC Radio Norfolk’s breakfast show this morning (in the five minutes before my school run started!). As a romance author, what do I think of these findings?

My take: apart from the fact that those findings fit that particular group and you cannot say that it applies to people in a different age group or from a different background (because your sample doesn't contain anyone from the wider group and therefore doesn't represent them or their views), it’s pretty insulting to my readers, who DO know the difference between fantasy and reality.

People read my books for entertainment. They know that what they’re going to get from a Kate Hardy novel is a warm, realistic romance that will take them into another world for as long as they choose (whether it’s a snatched ten minutes at lunchtime or an hour’s read before bed – and there’s other research from a larger, broader sample showing that over 90% of keen readers will read in bed). My book will give them a hero they can fall in love with, a heroine they can identify with, and a happy ending. Something that’s possibly (probably) going to make them bawl their eyes out at one point (and actually that might be a good excuse to let out some tension), but in the end the characters will get their happy ending.

My characters have to work for their happy endings (just as you would in real life). They have to communicate and compromise and change (just as you do in real life). I won the RNA Romance Prize earlier this year, and I only twigged that the winning book might be mine when Trisha Ashley described it as ‘warm and realistic with a believable happy ending’ – because that’s how my agent and my editors describe my work. On the eHarlequin review section, the words that leap out at me from what my readers say are phrases such as ‘it really could happen’… ‘the most realistic discussion of trust I’ve ever read in a romance novel’ (and I’m so pleased that my readers are clearly enjoying what they read). So I'd say my work is realistic.

In a romance novel, the whole thing is about the relationship. Two people meet (character), there are reasons why they don’t get together (conflict), and at the end they overcome the obstacles (resolution). To reach that resolution, they have to communicate, compromise and change – just like real life. Unrealistic? I don’t think so. To make any relationship successful (whether it’s romantic or family or friends or business), you need to communicate and compromise. Otherwise it’s unequal and one person in the relationship is going to feel resentful, and it will damage the relationship.

Then there’s this idea about falling in love immediately. Now, I have 50,000 words or thereabouts to tell my story. My books cover a period of weeks or months (and I might sneak in an epilogue a year later). If I described every event in the relationship in minute detail, as if it happened in real life, I would run out of space – and it would also bore my readers stupid. The point of my books is to entertain. It’s drama. Conversations in books aren’t like real-life conversations: their purpose is to move the plot forward or shed light on characters. In real life, it takes time for people to fall in love. It’s exactly the same for my books: I just don’t show you every minute in between.

But the thing that will always stick in my mind is what a reader said to me a couple of years back: when she’s having a bad day, she reads one of my books and comes out the other side remembering that the world is a good place after all. To be able to put sunshine into someone’s life like that is a real privilege. And I know exactly where she’s coming from; when real life gets difficult for me, I head for my Liz Fielding shelf. Those few minutes to myself, lost in another world, are what help me cope. Romantic fiction doesn’t give me unrealistic expectations at all. It’s entertainment, it’s enjoyable, and it puts a smile on my face. Which, to my way of thinking, is a Very Good Thing.